Sports are kind of like politics; no matter the situation, we all think we’re right and our minds can rarely be changed. Obviously, there are many different levels to sports fandom.

Some people can go to a sporting event, sit in their seats, and cheer for their team without having the rest of their day effected by the outcome. Others insist on drinking copious amounts of alcohol before yelling profanities and starting fights with opposing fans. So what kind of sports fan are you?

The “Everything Sucks” Fan

You have to wonder how this type of fan gets any enjoyment out of sports whatsoever. Regardless of circumstance, they want the quarterback, coach, general manager, cheerleaders, announcers and parking staff all fired immediately. They post frequent negative diatribe on social media throughout the course of every game and think that anyone that disagrees about the utter suckitude of their favorite team is a “blind homer.” There really is no arguing with this type of fan because even if their favorite team were to win the Superbowl, they would provide a laundry list of reasons as to why fellow fans should take no enjoyment out of it whatsoever.

The Wanna-Be Mascot

These individuals a rare breed in the world of sports fandom. They are your teams’ “superfan” and typically care more about keeping their gimmick alive than actual wins on the field. Casual fans all know them and stop them for autographs and photo-ops and they typically spend time concocting ways to do things like break noise records and seek out camera time. You have to applaud the effort and spare time that it likely takes to turn yourself into a mascot before each sporting event.

The Weekend Warrior

This person typically will have both substance abuse and abandonment issues and shows up to watch their team play with a 50/50 shot at getting into an altercation with a fellow fan. They are loud, rude, profane and spend more in $12 beer than they will take home from their part-time casino security job. This type of fan seems to take pride in the fact that they have been kicked out of dozens of sporting events although they can never quite seem to find out why they wind up in court four times a year with domestic abuse and/or assault charges.

The “Hot” Girl Fan

Female fans are a most welcomed sight at any sporting event. Many women are knowledgeable and know how to cheer their team on in style. But this category is not for those ladies. This is for the girl that has no interests or hobbies of their own but think they look hot in whatever teams’ gear their boyfriend of one month pushes on them. Their social media posts go from talking about their dog and what they had for dinner to things like “OMG go Packers get the touchdown!!”

The Trash Talker

Not to be confused with the “weekend warrior” because the trash talker is not physically aggressive. These fans like to find the closest opposing fan near them and take random jabs at them and their team. There can be many different outcomes of this depending on what type of fan they began trash talking with. A fellow trash-talker will dish it right back and a fun game of back-and-forth will ensue for the next three-plus hours. A weekend warrior, however will attack them mid-sentence and a youtube video of it will be posted later that evening.

The Realist

This fan knows his favorite team like the back of his hand. He knows the stats, the history and every score of every game that has ever occurred. They are also well versed about any team they are about to play and can offer a concise, factual and unbiased opinion on who they think will win. They tell it like it is and for that reason, “the realist” is often confused as a negative or even a “everything sucks” fan but they are certainly far from it. “The realist” may have funny or sometimes sarcastic references, although, for the most part, they are pretty level-headed.

The Bipolar Fan

We’ve all been around this person at one point or another and trying to keep up with the emotions of an individual like this is certainly not easy. Depending on what is happening during a particular moment in a game, their intense feelings will flip on a dime. One minute they are standing and cussing loudly at a particular occurrence and then after a spectacular touchdown, they are back on board screaming and ranting over-the-top positive things. 

The Fan/Coach

Sometimes referred to as an “armchair quarterback,” the fan/coach played only two years of Pop Warner football and once coached a “Football for Beginners” class for 5 year-olds, but when attending a sporting event, you better just defer to them on all schematic occurrences during the game. “Their safeties are cheating up, THROW THE BALL COACH!” they will yell as if the actual coach can, not only hear them, but will then implement the fans’ idea into the game-plan.

The Pouter

Sports can cause a variety of emotions and for these people, there is no choice after suffering a tough loss but to cry. Head in hands, tears flowing, these people are very sensitive and probably sob  uncontrollably during shows like “The Voice” when an overweight teen sings a rousing rendition of “I can be your hero.” After the game is over, this type of fan will probably not say a single word to you during the 30 minute walk to your car. Instead, they will sulk around and make a random phone call to continue the sob-fest to a fellow fan who was not at the game.

The Shill

The dictionary defines the word “shill” as a critic who appears either all-too-eager to heap glowing praise upon mediocre offerings, or who acts as an apologist for glaring flaws. Make no mistake about it, the shill is a delusional fan who is basically a cheer-leader for their favorite team regardless of how the team is doing on the field. They scream at every game, predict perfect seasons and buy Superbowl tickets well in advance because it is a given that their team will be making it. Their social media posts never waver from “Go team go!” and you wind up wondering if they are being paid by the organization to blindly support the team to this degree.

The Know-it-All

Arguing with a fan like this is absolutely futile because they know everything there is to know about ever sport and team in the world. They won’t really trash talk you during a sports argument but will take subtle, passive-aggressive  jabs at your lack of knowledge. “lol Kansas City fans are a funny bunch” they will tweet to you immediately after you said something as simple like “gee, looks like the Royals might make the playoffs this year.” The “know-it-all” isn’t even necessarily that knowledgeable themselves, they are just insufferable people with ridiculous “look at me” attitudes.

The Bandwagon Fan

Bandwagon sports fandom has become an out of control parasite and might be the most annoying of all fan types. They follow a specific player and go through team jerseys so often that even they have stopped counting. They are Duke basketball, Alabama football, Pittsburgh Steelers, L.A. Kings and Cleveland Cavaliers fans…for the time being at least. They also like to throw the word “we” around far too often. “We won the NBA Championship!” Uh no, you didn’t. You clearly had no real sports upbringing and decided to hitch your wagon to random winning teams. Congrats! If only it were that easy for the rest of us.

The Partiers

Oh wait, there is actually a game going on? Who knew right? These people couldn’t care less about the potential outcome of an upcoming sporting event. This is just another opportunity for them to partayyyyy! This is the type of person that lives for random holidays like Cinco de Mayo although if a game just happens to be on or they are invited to a tailgate, they are the first ones there with a beer in hand at 7:30 AM.

The Positive Fan

This fan falls somewhere in between a “shill” and a “realist.” These folks are eternal optimists no matter what and can always think of something positive to take out of even the most devastating of losses. They are not blind homers by any means and possess the actual sports knowledge that is missing from “shills.” You might get a text from them after a tough loss saying “hey, we played well, we’ll get back on track next week.” Sometimes their overly-positive might get to you, but let’s face it, this is the type of fan that we ALL should probably be.